Face magazine wanted an interview with me after I fought in the war and won the lottery. It was a hard war. I contracted measles, trench foot, loss of limb and all sorts of other maladies like meningitis, tuberculosis and I even went bald after breaking my face. When I got back I checked my lottery results. I won a million pounds. But Both my hands were blown off, so i could not pick up the check, which really was awkward for my next of kin because I could not remember who she was any longer after the shell shock and the constant ringing tinnitus which had practically debilitated me. Even the hospital would not take. They thought I was too much of a liability and that I may die on them anytime. A couple of years later I checked my lottery results again at UK lotto. This time I won two million pounds but I could not walk down to collect my winnings because I had had my legs blown off by an angry neighbour for bleating on about the war at every opportunity. He was not German.
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